Neil Cox Hypnotherapy, Cornwall

Category: Confidence & Self Esteem Therapy

Confidence and self-esteem therapy – Boost your confidence and self-esteem with my professional hypnotherapy services, and techniques.

  • Discover the Secret to Happiness

    Discover the Secret to Happiness

    There’s been a lot of articles written about how to discover happiness in recent times. On the one hand, you’ve got the positive thinking gurus peddling their often simplistic fast track to deep joy. And on the other, you’ve got the doom-mongers telling us we’re richer, healthier and yet unhappier than we’ve ever been.

    Despite being somewhat cynical about the way happiness is regarded as the panacea for all ills, I confess to being part of the industry which promotes it as a life-affirming goal. Some see happiness as a sentimental dream or fleeting fantasy. But I realise through my work as a hypnotherapist that it is possible to create a happy state of mind.  Oh and spread a little of this magical ingredient too, there’s no secret there.

    What makes you happy is only relevant to you.

    A loving partnership and strong friendships are more highly prized than material things by most of us. It’s a given that happiness is not necessarily about millions in the bank, a yacht on the Med or any of those affluent trappings. Many are the tales of how lottery winners lose their friends, community, identity and even their loved ones over arguments about new found loot.

    There’s no question, cash equals freedom of choice. More to the point, earning it equals a healthy sense of self worth which no trust fund kid will ever know (hence the less than life-enhancing addictions that often fill the gaps in their lives).

    In a wealthy western culture, we generally don’t go hungry or lack material goods. The poorest and most disadvantaged have access to housing, healthcare, education, the welfare state, iPods, mobiles and flat screen TVs.

    What makes the starving happy is a good meal.

    It takes more than that to satisfy an emotionally starved but nutritionally nourished appetite. Whilst not life-threatening, such a condition undermines energy, motivation and focus, impairing the ability to set and achieve goals. High flyers in both primitive and technological societies often start out the hungriest and succeed simply because they try harder.

    So it seems that the old fashioned principle of good old hard graft leads to a very secular kind of satisfaction. And being a bit peckish is no bad thing. It makes those little snacks in life so much more tasty. In this indulgent era of comfort and excess, those who make an effort and choose energy over inertia, those who curb their appetite enough to truly savour all that is plentiful and those who take the time to nurture their loved ones are the winners in the happiness stakes.

  • Say Goodbye to Skin Conditions

    Say Goodbye to Skin Conditions

    Itching For a Cure? Hypnotherapy Can Help with Skin Conditions

    This month I am focusing on how hypnotherapy can help with the management of skin conditions.

    As many of us who have suffered from these conditions will know, peeling off those extra layers of clothing and exposing skin to the summer sunshine may be good for us. But we do not want others to see our skin.

    Thousands of people suffer with the discomfort, stress and embarrassment that skin conditions, such as psoriasis and eczema, can bring. These conditions are usually not life threatening.  But they can cause untold misery to those who have to deal with them day in and day out.

    skin conditions itchy

    The skin is our largest organ as well as the most visible, especially during the summer months. Whether it is through sweating when we are too warm, shivering when we are too cold, or doing its job of getting rid of toxins and waste through the skin, this piece of body ‘covering’ has a lot of work to do. It is often the first place where any signs of illness, stress and imbalance in our lives, physically or psychologically, shows itself. As those who suffer are only too aware, the more we worry about the state of our skin, the worse it seems to get!

    So where does hypnotherapy come in to the treatment of these conditions? Well, it seems that us hypnotherapists have been working with clients with these conditions for years.

    Some of us may be aware that there is often a mind-body connection with some common skin conditions, so this is often where support from hypnotherapy can help. To give you some more detail…

    In order to do its work, the skin contains millions of nerve endings which are closely connected to the brain, which is our body’s main ‘Control Centre’. Because of these links to our nervous system, the skin is very closely connected to our emotional responses, as well as those physical ones.

    For example, goose bumps when we are afraid, blushing when embarrassed, and so on. When we feel stressed, these emotional responses can make some skin conditions worse if you have them already. Or can in some cases bring them on.

    Pain control.

    Hypnotherapy is a great way to reduce stress levels in general. We understand that stress and anxiety affect the chemical responses in the body and mind. Hypnotherapy can really help to recreate that sense of balance. This is shown to improve skin conditions in general. There is mounting evidence to show that hypnotherapy is very helpful for pain control too. It is helpful for reducing the stress and chemical responses that cause flare-ups. It can also reduce the pain that’s associated with them. We work in a way that helps the client to manage stressful situations more effectively. Thus reducing the possibility of re-occurrence.

    I encourage clients to focus on how they want things to be. We avoid problem-talk and instead help our clients to visualise their preferred future. By encouraging clients to think and express themselves positively, we can help to improve their outcomes and say goodbye to skin conditions.

  • Blushing

    Blushing

    Learn 5 psychological tricks to stop blushing in its tracks

    I could feel it happening. Suddenly all the attention was on me! That horrible burning feeling in my face, can they tell? Some of us end up blushing all through life. Some seek help but find they’re just told why they start. But all they want is to actually stop. We blush when embarrassed, then become embarrassed because we’re blushing! So hey lets blush some more. The more we think we’re blushing, the more we blush.

    So, here are five effective tips or rather strategies that help reduce, then eventually stop, the blushing that plagues so many people through their lives.

    1 – Stop the blushing cycle by ‘unmasking’.

    One way to short-circuit blushing is to draw attention to it yourself. Yes, really. When you do this, the results can be amazing.

    Blushing seems to be nature’s way of disclosing our true feelings. If, for example, I say I am not attracted to someone when in fact I am, I may blush. If we were totally shameless, we wouldn’t blush; but blushers tend to feel ashamed or embarrassed where others don’t. Feelings of being ‘on display’ also cause blushing.

    I very rarely blush nowadays; however, for some reason I did blush once when speaking to around thirty people. But I was, excuse the pun, cool about the blushing. I said: “Oh, I don’t believe it! Look, I’m blushing!”

    Actually, no one was very interested but I noticed that now I had ‘unmasked’ the blushing myself, it had nowhere to run and stopped immediately. Blushers blush because of the fear of being seen differently from how they want to be perceived.

    I realise this might not be acceptable in an important business meeting, but give this strategy serious consideration because it does short-circuit the whole thing.  And it fits in nicely with the next tip.

    2 – Stop feeling so responsible for blushing

    In the example I gave in Tip 1, I said that I was ‘cool about blushing’. Why did I not feel embarrassed about changing from my usual pallid complexion to someone resembling a bright red neon light?

    It’s amazing how people feel consciously responsible for stuff that is actually generated by their unconscious mind. For example, I have much more conscious control over whether I speak rudely to someone than whether I blush or hiccup or blink.

    Separate your conscious and unconscious processes. For conscious stuff, I (at least try to) take responsibility, but unconscious stuff has nothing to do with me, mate! So I felt ok about the fact I was blushing.

    It’s your unconscious mind that has been producing the blood changes that lead to blushing, not your conscious mind. So really think about how much responsibility you need to feel for it. If your dog barks at a kindly stranger, you may feel responsible, but it’s your dog, not you, that barked. Really thinking about this will make Tip 1 much easier to enact.

    3 – Stop blushing by learning to direct your blood flow

    What?  Am I crazy? Well, perhaps a little, but blood flow can be controlled through the use of the imagination.  By spending five minutes daily imagining your hands heating up around an open fire, you’ll find you can easily direct more blood into your hands. By focusing on your hands heating up during times when you might typically blush, you can actually stop yourself blushing.  It’s as if the blushing was still there, but only in the hands. And pretty soon, you won’t even have to do this. But there’s something else you can do too…

    4 – Stop blushing by mentally rehearsing staying cool

    Your body responds to preparation. What do I mean? Well, if you prepare for an event by feeling nervous when you imagine it, then this will prime your mind and body to actually feel nervous when the situation occurs.

    If, on the other hand, you imagine upcoming events while feeling very relaxed, and imagine seeing yourself (from the outside) looking calm and cool, you are sending your unconscious mind and your body a powerful signal to actually be calm and cool in these situations.

    This is a form of self-hypnosis and you can become very good at this. Think about typical times you might blush. When you are very relaxed, breathing deeply, imagine watching yourself in those situations looking calm and cool. The more often and powerfully you do this, the more automatic keeping cool will become.

    You can even imagine a beautiful cool breeze sweeping across you in these times.

    And lastly…

    5 – How to stop blushing by rewriting history

    Spend time thinking about times you blushed in the past that are really memorable (because their unpleasantness stands out). Now revisit some of these times in your mind, with eyes closed, from a detached perspective, just watching yourself in those times. Now realise that you can change those memories. Watch those past situations in your mind as if they had been fine and you had either relaxed totally about the fact you blushed or you didn’t blush at all and remained cool and relaxed.

    This ‘rewriting history’ exercise sends the message to your unconscious mind that, actually, there is no real history of blushing. Your conscious mind will still know you blushed in these times, but your unconscious mind will start to feel as if the pattern had never become established.

  • How to boost your self esteem today

    How to boost your self esteem today

    What is low self esteem, really?

    Low self esteem is a false perception of oneself. If you have low self esteem then you are better than you think you are. This is the definition of low self esteem.  When your self-esteem improves, it’s because your self-knowledge has improved; just as the ugly duckling in Hans Christian Anderson’s famous tale had to learn its true nature before it could become fulfilled.

    But how do you tell if your self esteem is too low?

    Signs and symptoms of low self esteem

    Healthy self esteem doesn’t mean loving yourself no matter what you do. Shame, guilt, and self-reproach do have a place if we behave badly. It’s just that those with true low self esteem tend to feel these things even when they don’t behave badly. They also tend to treat themselves badly, rather than other people.

    So ask yourself, do you feel:

    • You are morally worse than most other people?
    • That you have less appeal than most other people; that you are uglier?
    • You are more stupid than most other people?
    • You’re unlovable?

    You might also feel:

    • Like never spending money on yourself or your looks because you feel you ‘don’t deserve it’.
    • Your opinions aren’t as valid as other people’s opinions.
    • Your low self-esteem is holding you back from really doing what you want to in life.

    So, if you feel you have low self esteem, here are five things you can do in order to start building self esteem today. First off…

    Self Esteem Booster 1:   Don’t spread bad stuff about yourself

    Low self-esteem makes you generalise a specific incident, situation, or trait and spread it to everything.

    So Suzy burns a meal she’s prepared for her kids and from this generalises to: “I’m such a useless mum, I can’t even cook a meal!”

    Jake fails a math’s test and from this he negatively generalises to: “I’m so stupid!” – (then, even worse) – “I can’t do anything right!”  We’ve magically gone from failing a math’s test (specific) to being a failure at everything (pretty general!).

    And more: Samantha really likes a boy in her class but is too shy to speak to him. She is mortified when he asks her best friend out. She generalises this specific incident to: “I’ll never get a date; no one will ever like me!”

    This is known as ‘globalising’ and if you do this for negative things, you’ll feel bad about yourself. Knowing you are doing it is the first step to challenging it. If you catch yourself doing this – for example, telling yourself you’re stupid because you made a mistake – then force yourself to find examples that contradict your own negative blanket statement.

    Next: What do you really think?

    Self Esteem Booster 2:    Look to the origins – briefly

    Low self esteem usually results from how we are conditioned by other people. If you were systematically insulted, criticised, or bullied, then you are more likely to have absorbed the negative messages about yourself instigated by other people.

    Think about who these other people were and when you feel bad about yourself, take a moment to ask yourself: “Hold on. Whose voice is that speaking?”

    I bet it really belongs to someone else originally. Starting to override other people’s conditioning of us is the first step to psychological independence; the real ‘you’ (that you should be listening to) can be much kinder and more reasonable about yourself.

    Self Esteem Booster 3:    Be fair to yourself and others

    Low self esteem makes us magnify failures and personal faults and minimise or completely discount successes and personal strengths. Don’t do this. Be fair. If other people say you are attractive, clever, kind, fun, or whatever, respect them enough to at least consider that what they say is a probability.

    Remembering and dwelling on criticisms while discounting and forgetting compliments (or any positive feedback) is a very biased, off-balance way of travelling through life.

    Self Esteem Booster 4:    Ditch the imperfect perfectionism

    “If it’s not perfect then it’s a total failure!” The idea that something is 100% useless unless it is 100% perfect is a trap.

    Low “self esteemers” often see things in very all-or-nothing terms. “That family is just perfect! /I’m just useless!”

    Of course nothing in this world is perfect and no one is entirely useless. To stop this destructive black-or-white thinking, do this: Think, “If 100% is perfect and 0% is ‘total failure’ or ‘totally useless!’, how do I rate the meal I cooked?” This forces realism.

    You might only give yourself 20% for the meal or your speech or whatever, but then look at that 20%  and ask yourself: “What enabled that 20%? And how can I build on that to get to maybe 25%?” This breaks down the perfect/disaster thinking which drives and maintains low self esteem.

    Self Esteem Booster 5:   Take care of your appearance

    Low self esteem leads to a vicious cycle. We feel bad about ourselves, so we don’t dress well, keep fit,  or get decent haircuts; but neglecting our appearance in turn causes more low self-esteem. Take time out to look after your body. Get a massage or manicure (unless you’re a macho guy, of course 🙂 Buy clothes that look good on you.  Don’t see this as superficial or irrelevant, because the ripple effect of changing outward aspects of yourself can lead to changes on the inside.

    And you can take time to close your eyes and start to visualise yourself looking fit, healthy, and nicely dressed whilst doing something you can be proud of – whether that’s talking confidently to others or just looking so calm and relaxed.

    Higher self esteem consists of:

    • Honest respect for your own abilities, potentials, and value.
    • Knowing your strengths and trusting in them.
    • Appreciation and open acceptance of your limitations.
    • Acceptance of these limitations whilst understanding that some limitations can be overcome.
    • Freedom from being overly concerned with what we imagine others think of us. Whilst accepting these perceptions do play a part in everyday life, remember they do not determine who we are.

    Remember: a diamond doesn’t know its own value, but it is still a diamond nonetheless.

  • Conduct a Life Audit

    Conduct a Life Audit

    Conduct an 80/20 Life Audit to Evaluate and Improve Your Life

    Are you feeling overwhelmed by the demands and responsibilities in your life? Do you feel like you’re constantly running on a hamster wheel, unable to catch a break? It might be time to conduct an 80/20 life audit to evaluate and improve your life.

    The 80/20 principle, also known as the Pareto Principle, states that roughly 80% of effects come from 20% of causes. This principle can be applied to all areas of life, including the people, activities, and situations that take up your time and energy.

    To conduct an 80/20 life audit, ask yourself the following questions:

    1. What are the 20% of your activities that bring you 80% of your stress? Identify the activities that drain your energy and cause you the most stress. Is it your job? Your daily commute? A particular household chore? Once you’ve identified these activities, consider how you can minimise or eliminate them from your life.
    2. What are the 20% of your activities and areas of your life in which you experience 80% of your stress? Think about the areas of your life that are causing you the most stress. Is it your finances? Your relationships? Your health? Once you’ve identified these areas, consider how you can improve them.
    3. What are the 20% of your activities and areas of your life in which you experience 80% of your happiness? Identify the activities and areas of your life that bring you the most joy and fulfillment. Is it spending time with loved ones? Pursuing a hobby or passion? Travelling? Once you’ve identified these areas, consider how you can incorporate more of them into your life.
    4. Who are the 20% of the people in your life with whom you have 80% of your best experiences? Think about the people in your life who bring you the most joy and support. Is it your partner? Your family? Your closest friends? Once you’ve identified these people, consider how you can spend more quality time with them.
    5. Who or what brings your energy up when you think about them? Think about the people, activities, and situations that bring you energy and inspiration. Is it listening to music? Spending time in nature? Talking to a particular friend? Once you’ve identified these things, consider how you can incorporate more of them into your daily life.
    6. Who or what brings your energy down when you think about them? Think about the people, activities, and situations that drain your energy and bring you down. Is it a toxic relationship? A stressful job? Negative self-talk? Once you’ve identified these things, consider how you can minimise or eliminate them from your life.

    Based on what you have learned from your 80/20 life audit, ask yourself the following questions:

    1. What should you be doing less of? Identify the activities, areas, and people in your life that are causing you the most stress and unhappiness. Consider how you can reduce or eliminate them from your life.
    2. What would be worth doing more of? Identify the activities, areas, and people in your life that bring you the most joy and fulfillment. Consider how you can incorporate more of them into your life.
    3. Who would it be worth spending more time with? Think about the people in your life who bring you the most joy and support. Consider how you can spend more quality time with them.
    4. Who would it be worth spending less time with? Think about the people in your life who drain your energy and bring you down. Consider how you can minimise or eliminate your time with them.
    5. If you had only one month to live, what would you let go of from your life? Think about the things in your life that you wouldn’t want to spend your precious time on if you only had one month left. Is it work-related stress? A toxic relationship? Once you’ve identified these things, consider how you can let them go from your life.
    6. Which of those things can you let go of anyway? Identify the things in your life that are causing you the most stress and unhappiness that you can let go of. This may be easier said than done, but it’s important to consider how you can create boundaries and take action to prioritize your own well-being.

    By conducting an 80/20 life audit, you’ll gain clarity on the areas of your life that are causing you the most stress and unhappiness, as well as those that bring you the most joy and fulfillment. From there, you can take action to make positive changes and improve your overall well-being.

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, consider reaching out to a therapist or coach for guidance. They can help you navigate your emotions and create an action plan for making positive changes in your life.

    In summary, an 80/20 life audit can be a powerful tool for evaluating and improving your life. By identifying the 20% of people, activities, and situations that bring you the most stress and joy, you can create a plan to minimise or eliminate the negative and focus on the positive. Remember, taking care of yourself should always be a priority.

  • Gain Confidence with Hypnotherapy

    Gain Confidence with Hypnotherapy

    How hypnotherapy can help with low self-esteem and lack of confidence

    Hypnotherapy is uniquely suited to working with the content of the subconscious. Its therefore very effective for helping you improve your self-esteem. During the deep relaxation of the hypnotic trance, the subconscious is more receptive. I can then help you update your views of yourself using words, images and emotions. As a result of what can be a powerful transformation, past distortions and negative inputs are corrected.

    Consequently you become more able to challenge old, negative views. Furthermore you start to perceive yourself accurately and positively, in more areas of your life. You begin to find from experience that you are not as bad as you thought you were. You give yourself credit where it’s due. Setbacks are most often temporary. They’re not a reflection on you personally, unless you allow them to be. You start to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Allowing you to encourage and support your efforts to gain the life you want.

    Some strive for it

    Some fear it

    Some just naturally have it….

    How would you like to boost your confidence?

    Five tips to boost your confidence and self-esteem

    1. Teach people how to treat you.  People treat you according to how you think about yourself.  If you expect to be walked all over, dismissed and ignored, you most certainly will be.  If you find that you need to teach people how to treat you, change the way you treat yourself.
    2. Keep a note of when your confidence is up, and also when it’s down.  Who were you with? What was the situation? Simply becoming aware of your actions will make it easier to start changing them.
    3. Smile.  People who are confident tend to smile more often. And we all know people are attracted to smiles.
    4. Focus. Keep focused on what you want, rather than what you don’t want. Our thoughts are more powerful than we realise, so keep it positive.
    5. Just do it. Take action, even though it may well be tough at first, keep going and never ever give in.  It’s a fact that all new habits require persistence and repetition.

    Learn from the experience

    Having confidence doesn’t mean that you should expect to succeed all the time or be perfect.  Having self-esteem and confidence means that whether you make it or fail, you don’t take it as a reflection of your own personal self-worth.  You learn from the experience and still value and respect yourself.

    Negative content reduces confidence.

    For one reason or another we unconsciously accept the negative or false input from influential or important figures in our early lives. That negative content reduces confidence and reinforces a low opinion of ourselves.  Our thoughts really do influence our future experiences, with roughly a third of them being the same every day, what we repeat to ourselves has a huge impact on our confidence.

    This can affect some or all areas of our lives, including health, work and relationships.It’s also important to realise that a lack of confidence or low self-esteem is a key part of anxiety, phobias, weight / eating disorders, depression and even addictions. So with an increase in your confidence and self-esteem brings a notable and effective route to making changes in your life.