Should you have an affair ?

I don’t know whether any of you reading this article will have had an affair or maybe contemplated it.

Or even possibly fantasised about it without acting on it.  But, what I do know is that many relationships won’t survive an affair.

So the people who get caught, and lets face it most do, will find their relationship in disarray.  The regret they feel and constant deliberation over how they could be so stupid takes over.  The ultimate self-sabotage, so why do people still do it?

We are all human beings, with basic instincts that sit below what we call our humanity.  In other words, a basic primal need to procreate.  A strong biological basis that drives our emotions which comes from our primitive brain.  Rationalising some of those emotions begin and we even lie to ourselves.  Our minds begin to process the benefits and minimise the risks.

There is a scene in the film Love Actually. Harry is seen trying to buy some jewellery for Mia, before his wife catches him.  The impatience and urgency when trying to buy the jewellery and hoping he’s not seen.  And then the resultant denial when Karen (his wife) finds him.  This may well be a romantic comedy, but I’m sure this gets replayed for real the world over.

That may well be a film, but in reality… you see the hurt not just to your respective partner but your children and even friends.  There’s the moving out from the family home into a small flat, and seeing the kids only at weekends.  A downward spiral of despair and regret – not the excitement you somehow imagined.

Let’s face it just like Christmas, people can find the anticipation better than the real thing.  How many of you get excited about Christmas and then it’s over in a flash?

I’m a hypnotherapist, I’m not a marriage guidance counsellor but where hypnotherapy can help you is to empower you to make better choices and come to more rational decisions.  We talk about the primitive and the intellectual sides of the brain, how to start wrestling control back and begin the process of making better decisions.  It may well be a case of concluding that a relationship is over but at least you can come to that decision without the undue influence or pressure of an affair.  On the other side of the coin, as a hypnotherapist I can help you put more drive into making your relationships work and avoid the distress and misery of a broken down relationship.

Finally, I feel it’s absolutely necessary to show my gratitude for my good friend Donald from across the pond. You my friend are an inspiration, and I’m thankful for your input without which this blog wouldn’t have been written.

For counselling, support and information for all relationships http://www.relate.org.uk

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